People tell me I’m intense. Generally I think of myself as pretty easy-going, but not today. Today I’m exhausted.
Keeping busy is a legitimate strategy for coping with major life changes; the only problem is it isn’t sustainable. That’s why I watched 5 episodes of Daria today and took a 3-hour nap. I’m just now waking up to do my writing for the day, which by the way, will cost me $5 if I blow it off.
That’s right, yesterday’s Nat thought it was a great idea to set up a Beeminder account with a goal of 500 words/day with a monetary penalty for slacking. If today is any indication, it’s working, because I’m motivated despite my total burnout.
Maybe there’s a vicious cycle going on here where I keep missing so much sleep because I have to build my energy all day and only get to work at night. Who knows? (I know.)
Why am I so motivated of late to level up my writing discipline? Well, I’m going back to school in a few short weeks and I think it might be time to start taking time management seriously. This last finals season, I put off multiple 10-page essay projects to the very last minute, and I paid for it. It’s not that I can’t keep getting away with my procrastination. I guess it’s that I’d like not to feel as if I’m constantly just “getting away with it” when it comes to what’s supposedly my primary life pursuit right now. If I’m going to slack, I’m going to do it diligently so my more personal passions don’t always end up discarded on the sidelines.
I’m reading this essay anthology called Abolish Work: An Exposition of Philosophical Ergophobia, and connecting with it so heavily. I’ve always felt to some degree like the institutions in my life valued me most when I accomplished the least. Some of the stuff is pretty nutty but it resonates, so I stayed up till 3 AM on the roof last night reading by my phone’s flashlight. Can’t be healthy all the time, it’s called balance.